Starting in about an hour, Dave’s summer vacation officially begins. He’s taken six days off of work, bringing his grand total of Days Off (including weekends) to eleven. He totally deserves it – he’s been swamped at work lately. But we haven’t been together for eleven days in a row since Oliver was born. Naturally, there are pros to having Dave off for eleven days:
- The parent-to-child ratio will be even. This is big because I’m convinced some nights Julia sneaks into Oliver’s room so they can come up with ways to wear me down to the point where, if Julia were to ask if she and Oliver could play in traffic, I’d say yes.
- There will be another adult warm body to assist me in pulling Oliver down from the ceiling furniture while hissing, “Oliver! Get down from there!”
- Dealing with Oliver’s early morning mudslide shits will not be my sole responsibility.
- The chances that Dave will take one – or both – of the children out during the day, giving me some glorious alone time, are high. (Are you reading this, Dave? Hint, hint…)
- I might be able to sleep in a few mornings, which means I could take a walk on the wild side and stay up past 9.30pm. Rebel yell!
- We’ll be able to take a few fun family day trips (although they’ll be totally budget day trips, because we are a couple of brokeass muthafuckas until next Friday – the end of Dave’s vacation).
I thought of a few cons too — you know, just for good measure:
- Y’all know I love my man, but straight up? Having him home through the week throws our little routine right out of whack. And ladies and gentlemen, my children and I thrive on routine. We need it. Okay, screw them, I need it.
- Julia is less likely to nap when Daddy’s home.
- The flatulence around here will increase tenfold.
- I’m sure there will be times when I wonder how the fuck I ended up with three children.
- I will resent the fact that he will crash on the couch for the afternoon after spending hours on the roof trying to position his new bigger! and better! satellite dish to the area of the sky that beams down the best!channels. Satellite positioning is his top priority this vacation and I’m sure it will be exhausting for him.
- My daytime computer access will be significantly reduced.
Honestly, I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be fun. Once he points his precious satellite and is able to bask in channels from around the world he’s promised to help me clear out and organize our basement, which is a total disaster area. I’m more excited about that than I probably should be. Let the vacation begin!